I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
