Sponge bath it is.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
