Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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