3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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