Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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