I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
