you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
