happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.