You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
