she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
