i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
