Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
