Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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