She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
