Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
