She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
