take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
