So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
