I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
