what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
