You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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