i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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