All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
