I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize