Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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