explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize