He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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