if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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