I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
