I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
