Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize