we have pet lesbian snakes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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