So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
