my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
