So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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