oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
