someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
