if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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