I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
