Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
