I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
