It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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