Me. At least after what I've been through.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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