also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
