the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
