i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
