that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
