you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
