I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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