Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
