If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
