i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
