After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
