A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
