Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
