Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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