my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My balls are so social today.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
