The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
