I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
