My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
