how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
