she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
