Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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