neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
