Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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