Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
