I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
