I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
