I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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