Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
