If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
