Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
