ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
