This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
