Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
